I feel like I don't know what to write. My emotions and thoughts are all tangled up together in so many things it'll be a miracle if I manage to get a few coherent things down. I guess I will back up and take it from there.
At the beginning of December I still wasn't feeling better. And as the weeks progressed, instead of starting to feel good again, I actually began getting worse. It was disheartening at the very least. Lots of drama in my family, which is pretty normal, but still stressful. And Luke's entire family was coming into town for Christmas. And then Atticus died. So many emotions and feelings, but from a strictly pregnant perspective, physically it was so hard on me. I kept trying to be 'on' all the time. Forcing myself to be well enough to be with Luke's family and to be able to do anything anyone needed me to do, to not show how much I was breaking down on the inside, to try and continue my family's preparations for the holiday while just wanting to ditch everything, and desperately trying to be there and comfort my children and say all the right things because I knew this experience would stick with them for the rest of their lives. I was definitely running faster than I had strength, every single day. I would get home every night and pass out on the couch as soon as I took my shoes off. And then I would get up and do it all again the next day. It was and still is so. hard.
The day of the viewing, we were at my in laws, and we had parked in the driveway, which we do often. My sister in law Pat was distracted and didn't look before backing out, and rear ended our van. More stress. Dealing with insurance companies, repairs, rental cars.
Saturday morning was the funeral and I woke up feeling so ill. I threw up, took 2 zofran, choked down a little piece of toast and managed to get myself and the kids ready with some serious help from Luke. Obviously my emotions were on overdrive the whole day, which makes my anxiety worse and that makes my stomach hurt more. I had brought some cheeze it crackers with me and had eaten a few, but Annie's girls were saying how hungry they were and I didn't think twice before handing them over. But I think not eating for so many hours made things worse. At the luncheon, I was about to throw up again and pass out, and I struggled to get some food down. We apologized and left early and I made it to the couch. I didn't even have the energy to change my clothes. I had the most excruciating stabbing pains in my stomach. No matter what I did, they wouldn't relent. Finally at 7pm, I was starting to worry that something was really wrong with me and might affect the baby. So off to the ER we went. I had on like 5 layers and a coat and a blanket and was still shaking I was so cold. My sweet neighbor came to watch the kids and put them to bed.
My blood pressure was super low when we got there. Did a urine sample and that's how they found out about the bladder infection. I was actually having no symptoms from that. They made me drink this numbing stuff to figure out my tummy issues. The first one I kept down for 30 minutes and then all of it came back up along with the food I had at the luncheon and when I was almost done my throat started to bleed. I was also barely conscious. I had that awful rushing sound in my ears and the blackness would fade in and out. I fell back against the bed and Luke was patting my cheeks asking if I was okay, but I couldn't even say anything. And because I was throwing up so hard, I peed my pants. There was really nothing I could've done about it, but that was super fun telling the nurse. She was sweet though and got me a pair of scrubs to wear. When I seemed like I was doing okay, she came back in and told me I would have to drink it again and keep it down for an hour.
I managed to keep down the yucky drink. And was told that my stomach acid was eating my stomach lining and that's why I was in so much pain. I was given two prescriptions and told I could pretty much leave soon. Then I asked if someone could come in with a doppler and we could hear the baby's heartbeat just to make sure everything was okay. Two nurses later we still couldn't hear a heartbeat. Inside I was freaking out and Luke looked like he was ready to cry. We had just been to our nephew's funeral, we couldn't take anymore bad news. An ultrasound was ordered and I was wheeled down to radiology. The instant the wand touched my tummy, we saw the baby perfectly, just wiggling away and with a very strong heartbeat. So much relief. The ultrasound tech said that my placenta is right on front and that's why it's so hard to hear a heartbeat with a doppler before 25 weeks. We finally got home at almost midnight and rolled into bed after thanking Georgia profusely.
It was still about 4 days after that that I could really eat anything. I lost 6 pounds, but gained them back once I started eating again. And just like I knew would happen, I got a yeast infection. I have only ever had 2 before, this being my 3rd. And all were while I was pregnant and taking antibiotics. It's just the way it goes for me. And after OTC stuff didn't work, my doc called in a prescription and things are much better now.
Also in the happy news department, I have no had to take my zofran for 3 days in a row. I have had no vomiting, and just a touch of nausea a couple of times. So so so happy! I thought it would never end. My struggle now is to not start doing to much just because I am feeling a little better. Easy to say, hard to do.
So that is what is new with me, pregnancy wise. We have our 20 week ultrasound in less than a week and we are excited to find out what we're having. Still don't have any names picked out, but we still got 20 weeks right? :)
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