Today is the first day I cried about my predicament. I knew it was coming, it always does. I just don't know how to do this again on my own. And since I'm not telling anyone, I am very much alone. Even Luke isn't available most of the time. I better be having twins because I literally cannot do this whole thing again. So far, I am nauseated with no appetite, but when I don't eat I get more nauseated and weak. I am so tired I can barely stay awake most of the time. No joke, I fell asleep waiting for Emma to come to the car after school yesterday. Because of those two things, I have NO energy. Like at all. Going pee is such a chore. When I stand up I get dizzy. I have sciatic pain from running in July and it's just carried on over. The only thing I can do to relieve it a little is eat a very clean diet and exercise and stretch every morning. Then alternate laying on the heating pad and ice the rest of the day. Which is perfect except, who exercises and eats perfectly when they feel like dying? My husband is never home and I am just trying to make sure my kids eat something. Forget anything healthy.

Pregnancy gets hard every time. I have the same stuff going on with my body, but I have more responsibility, more things to take care of, more kids to watch over. If I could just hole up in a comfy cave somewhere for 9 months, that'd be ideal. But since that's not an option, I am just trying to take it one day at a time. Lilah told me today she wanted to go to Waffle Love really badly. I told her we couldn't because mommy was so tired and felt like puking. Her response, "I will bring you a bowl and you can puke in that. Let's go!" For real.


How am I going to do this for the next 239 days? That sounds like an eternity. This will be my fourth pregnancy where my husband basically has 2 full time jobs. What can I do other than pray?