So sick.

Okay so this all happened awhile ago. Maybe a week, I really have no idea because all the days blend together. I am thinking now, that I probably had some kind of stomach bug, because it seems like Emma has the same thing (constantly puking) and she's not pregnant, so that's probably the situation. But at the time, I was seriously worried I was just going to throw my baby up.

I had two days where I couldn't keep down food, water or medication. If I was laying in my bed, not moving, I would be fine, but inevitably the kids would need something, I would crawl out of bed to get it for them and promptly throw up afterwards. And thanks to the no gall bladder sitch, I have a constant stream of acid running into my stomach, so there is always something to throw up.

My throat felt like I had swallowed fire, and would bleed every time I would vomit. During the worst of it, I threw up 5 times in 3 hours. I called my midwife and she told me to come in right away, even though my first real appointment was the next day. I got there and they took one look and me and said they were not going to make me do all of the normal tests for the first visit. They took my blood pressure and it was 82/41 they said it was barely sustaining me and that I needed to get some fluids in my body right away. But they did want to check on baby to make sure everything was okay. They tried doing a top/regular ultrasound and couldn't see anything, so transvaginal was the way to go. Because I was so dehydrated and there were almost no fluids in my body, it was really difficult to see anything at all, we did see a little circle with a little heartbeat flutter. So that was reassuring. I was told to come back in a month at almost 13 weeks and they'd do another ultrasound to double check things again.

Over to the hospital. Luke said he would just keep the kids in the car while I was drinking through my veins. Can I just say what an amazing support he has been. I called him so many times that day and when I decided to go in, he just talked to his boss and his professors and they were super understanding. He practically carried me every where I needed to go and then would wrangle all the kids by himself. And when they told me it would take 2.5 hours to get the necessary fluids in me, he just said, it's all good, we'll just go to the park. Love him. I couldn't survive my crazy life if he wasn't always right there holding my hand and sometimes carrying me through it. He's an amazing man.

So I got the fluids I needed, puked a few times while I was there. Went home and prayed that I would be okay. Luke gave me a blessing and I was able to sleep through the night. The next day was just fluids and two crackers. Then suddenly at dinnertime I was soooo hungry. And also worried I would just throw up whatever I ate. So I had a small serving of mashed potatoes and a little jello. And I kept it down!!! I was so excited. And the next day I was able to eat normally. Well, as normally as I am eating these days.

Since then, my nausea just seems to be getting worse and worse. Everyday I am either the same as the day before, or a little worse. I never have days where I feel okay. The whole month of November should be pretty bad, but then as December starts, hopefully I will begin feeling better and be okay by Christmas. So there is a miniscule light at the end of the tunnel, but when you think, another entire month? Sick at Thanksgiving? It sounds bad. So I am just trying to take it a week at a time. And my number one priority before anything else, kids, showering, laundry, etc...is to not throw up. I don't know what will happen to me if my throat is constantly bleeding, but it can't be good.

Sometimes Luke just has to be home. Which is difficult because he should always be somewhere else. School, work or doing homework. Like Emma throwing up, I am not even in a position to deal with that right now. Every time she starts I just have to run away from her. Worst mom ever. That's my job, to comfort my sick babies, and I can't even do that. :( But Luke is being perfect with her. He helps her get cleaned up and makes sure there are no traces of what happened for my sake. She could barely lift her head last night and said so weakly, "Daddy, thank you for taking care of me. And for taking care of mama to." She asked Luke for a blessing last night. We didn't suggest it, it totally came from her. And I just bawled. I cried because she is such a big girl and because she knows that Heavenly Father can heal her and comfort her. And I cried grateful tears for Luke. That he is a worthy priesthood holder and is able to bless his daughter when she asks. So many emotions. Can you tell I'm pregnant? :)

She's doing a little better today, and I am so glad!