A love letter

My dear, sweet husband,

As I lay here tonight trying to cry myself to sleep and ignore the horrendous day I’ve just survived, I can’t help wishing you were here. Here to hold me and make me forget the pain, here to touch my hair and kiss my lips, and help me to remember happy things. I wanted so badly to talk to you I almost picked up the phone, but then I convinced myself I was being ridiculous, and that I don’t need to bug you at work every time I feel unbearably sad (which is often). Not a minute later, I realized I do need to talk to you – about everything. You are the person I go to when I am happy, or sad, or concerned or angry. There is no one else in the entire world I would rather be with, or talk to. But, it’s not really responsible to be calling you all the time, so I came up with this letter. Yes, I got out of bed at 11:30pm, turned on the computer and sat down to write you some semblance of a love letter.

I was mentally going through my day and taking stalk of things like I usually do at bedtime. And I started to feel really bad. This strep is really starting to affect my whole body, and with other impending ailments this weekend, I started to feel really bad for myself. Mostly because I don’t want the way I feel to affect us celebrating Lilah’s birthday. And as I remembered all of the times I felt like I ruined birthday or holiday festivities because of being sick or pregnant, I recalled something very important. You were always there. Instead of spending your energy telling me that I have ridiculous expectations, or how we should really make things more low key because of my condition, you just helped instead. Whenever I couldn’t finish a project, you would take over. You constantly helped me make treats, and meals and plan celebrations. And not because you thought it was the best idea, or even necessarily wanted to, but because you knew just how important those pointless things were to me. I have times where it dawns on me just how much you actually love me, and this was one of them. I cannot believe how much you have done for me, and how much you continue to do for me and our family. You are so different from any man I have ever know, and I am constantly amazed by your goodness and kind heart.

Luke, you are the love of my life – this one and the next. I see you every day, but no matter how much time we spend together, 15 minutes or 24 hours, it still never seems like enough. Sometimes I miss you even when we’re in the same room, on the same couch. (Geez, it’s a good thing we are married otherwise I would sound like a stalker!) I love you so much, sometimes it feels like my heart might burst. I can’t wait until you come home and I get to feel your arms around me.

                                                Yours forever,  Arika